Rossouws Restaurants

After a week of eating in Jozi, I was beginning to become desperate for one decent-to-good meal. A friend suggested we needed to head south. So Sunday lunch was at this renowned Portuguese spot. It’s idiosyncratically laid out, a triangle at an intersection. The tip of the triangle has been turned into a fenced kid’s play area, downstairs is the comfortably appointed “restaurant” section, while up is the smoking section which is more sportsbar themed with big screens and a charming deck with views. The wait for food is excrutiating - I don’t know if it’s just because it was Sunday and it was humming with families. Of all the dishes we sampled some gems were the chorizo in a red wine sauce with onion and olive and the seafood espetada. The chicken peri-peri is good value, as is the pork and clam stew and prawns, and the wine list has a fun selection of Lusitanian wines. So a good lunch with honest food, but a ridiculously long wait.

“The Greek Spur” was the sum of it. Great setting (if you’re a smoker) with a balcony hanging over Mandela Square, the monstrous caricature of him right there. Otherwise the interior is shot with a pretty non-food blue with plain seating. The service is very good, friendly and fast. The food comes out alarmingly fast, and it’s presented with no flair. Specials, strangely, were chicken curry and eisbein, but we tried the mezze platter and the Greek lamb. The food is basic, some of it poor, and the prices are not shy. There is better Greek to be had at Plaka in Illovo and I have yet to try Balconi. If anyone has other must-see Greek places, please comment.

Where do I start? This Italian of some repute does have a comfortable bar for pre and post dinner drinks. Dinner, however, is ordinary. From the crockery and cutlery (all well-worn catering quality) to the waistcoated service without too much clue - but worse - to the attitude of the owner/managers. The food is poor, ok call it plain (but at a fairly high price). Dishes like veal limone (a staple) are treated with no respect, as with tiramisu. Sauces are crass, but not inedible.

For some reason, a financial manager’s card is in the billfold. When I challenged this, I was told anyone can leave their card for inclusion. So go for it all you corporates (let’s see if someone’s friend is not implicated). I also complained (after sending the tiramisu back) about the dessert, the chef (who claimed the credit card machine could not work in the lounge where we were having post-dinner drinks) said it was off the bill. It was not. He said he would take it off. I said don’t bother, I’ll write about it. He said “whatever”.

The tiramisu had no soul, and no flavour. No coffee flavour, no spirit lift. Just dry biscuit, cream and a heavy sprinkle of chocolate. This restaurant is run by matchstick men and women.

It is a sad day when I turn from my order (a well-cooked but deeply bland risotto) to eat my wife’s salad. Giovanni’s, for a place with a certain reputation, really let me down. First off, a fabulous wine list, with clever local picks, decent pricing and great foreign wines - but dreck by the glass. Second, the fact that the two home-made options that I asked for, lasagne and tiramisu, were both unavailable. Third, the damn risotto. It’s an old trick of mine to order risotto in an Italian as an acid test. These guys cooked it perfectly al dente, but forgot to add any flavour - how? It had wild mushrooms for goodness’ sake, but it tasted like the stock was water. So I ate a boring undressed salad. At least the foccacia was good (I think you need to stick to the pizza here). A friend’s fish was depressingly bad too, even after a send-back. The only part of their reputation that they did live up to today was the portion size. A truly monstrous pan of tasteless rice. And to top it all their coffee is horrid.

It looks shabby, the bar area cum outside seats could be good for a rowdy party, while inside is a haphazard Spanish-Portuguese themed “casa”. There’s a lot of branding, even on the chairs, which suggests that this place began with more prestige and ambition than it currently exhibits. The menu features tapas and other Iberian specialities (mainly Portuguese) and lunches are a pared down version. The dishes like caldo verde (green soup) and sardines (with “compliments”) were fine, quite fun actually, since they are not on every menu - but when we strayed into the land of chicken curry, or even a coffee, we were in disaster zone. I think this place is best for a beer, snacks, and to watch the footie (which activity they advertise openly).

They do it well, the big restaurant, with a Portuguese theme. It’s comfortable, it’s big. The service is hard-working but a little hard-pressed and formulaic to be honestly good. The food is decent for the scope of the operation, only let down in little detail like the boiled potato that went with the sardines. The Portuguese platter was good, chorizo, trinchado steak, calamari and clams all tasty (and better than the main order of trinchado later). The prawns are tasty, the seafood salad even has oyster - so in all it delivers, but just not in the sense of intimacy or real care. It’s just too big. So I would happily take groups there if I had to, or corporate tables, but I would be unlikely to want to eat one-on-one. This is the result of an operator that knows the game, and has upscaled.

They say they are prawn and sushi specialists and I think they are. The place is rather anodyne, a kinda modern pretty place with little character and rather efficient/pushy service, but they do deliver on the plate - plus if you are a prawn fan, Tuesdays is the time for the all-you-can special. The Queens I ate were plump and firm, though the chips were poor. I’d say this is a good option given its location, right in the heart of Rosebank.

Socialites and business brights hang here, and it looks like the business from the outside with its Veuve branding. Surprisingly worn and tatty inside, the menu offers a concise selection of cafe food like salads, prego, a burger, fillet in a few variations, chicken peri-peri. Prices are bumped for the offering but no-one seems to mind, and the quality is very reliable, fresh and comforting. They make crumbed olives which are fantastic as a starter, and salads are dressed which makes a pleasant change (why do people pay R40-odd for a bunch of leaves with no-one’s intervention as to the flavour?). I was caught out wanting the chicken peri-peri only to find that this had a 45 minute lead time - why? I guess that means its fresh and all, but… warn me on the menu perhaps? So I had the fillet Suzette which was dandy and came with fantastic chips. Winelist is small and not great, though they do have some unusual international picks.

It’s Lebanese as you’ll have guessed, and it certainly outperforms the other option, down Rivonia Road, Sheik’s Palace. That’s because it’s a less done up to be an ethnic curiosity and play to the crowds, simply its a restaurant run by Lebanese with like food. One room, simple in tiles and good chairs, with cheesy waterfeature/disco lights being a step into the eccentric, as is the flat screen TV that’s a must if you’re going to attract the men who sit and drink coffee crowd. There’s also a cafe next door for quick meals.

All food is visually presented… lucky, ’cause the titles give little away. The mezze starters were great, fresh and tasty, packed with real flavours; tried the dips like hummus and imam bayildi, also stuffed vine leaves and cabbage leaves, fried kibbeh, fattoush. The the mains were less exciting, but got the job done, mainly kebabs and grills. Avoid the fried veg (and the chips are poor).

Some Lebanese wines which make a welcome point of difference, the Ksara Le Prieure was great but pricy, while switching to local wines leaves you in co-op cheapie land. Mainly what’s attractive is the authenticity of the place in a city where the colour of the food is often drained out by slickness, fancy decor and formulaic menus.

I hate feeling disloyal, but that’s how I feel writing a luke-warm review of this place. That’s because I love the proposition - real SA look and feel of an old corner cafe, and a menu that features SA comfort food like bobotie, snoek pie, sardines on toast.

I would still encourage anyone who has not been to go however. It’s a colourful, idiosyncratic joint, and they had Abdullah Ilbrahim playing loud. Egg-shell painted colour walls, linoleum floors, wood tables, sweets on the counter.

But: a spicy calamari that defined blandness, fish cakes that were ok, bobotie that really failed to capture any potential, yellowtail fish supposedly done curried but with little to show for it, and not strikingly fresh. All with a diced tomato and cucumber, iceberg lettuce salad (I’m not a lettuce snob, in fact I think lettuce is water barely held together, but everything with the same salad?).

The dessert of flourless chocolate cake and dark chocolate ice-cream was stellar though, and the prices are reasonable. Compact wine list with good picks too. But offish service, supercilious, and a manager that sat outside reading.

Perhaps its just going through a poor patch. I hope so, because any place that serves sardines on toast for breakfast has got soul.